My co-workers and pets

Today was such a long day. I worked 10 hours at Lambert's. It's wasn't too bad, just long. :) I've began to realize more and more lately how many co-workers I have who don't really know Christ. They think they do, but it's all a very skewed view. Which always puts me in an awkward position... because I want to explain what Jesus is like or explain that he is the reason I love them all so much, but they think they already know. So no one is open to it. It makes me start to think that maybe evangelizing is easier with people who have no concept or past commentary on who my glorious Savior is. I know it is important to let your love and actions evangelize for you, especially in a society/culture where Jesus' name is already known... but here's the sad thing.... there are more loving atheists around me in the work place than loving christians (AND THE CHRISTIANS OUT-NUMBER THE ATHEISTS!) Ridiculous.
Moving on to my next rant. :) I love my pets. haha
It's amazing how much joy my dogs can bring me when they are waiting for me when I come home from work.
Or when my cocker spaniel follows me everywhere I go because she's scarred of storms and thinks that I can protect her.

Or when my west highland terrier follows me around with a ball in her mouth talkin up a storm because she wants to play.

My calico cat would NOT allow me to check my facebook this morning, she insisted on being the center of attention, even if that meant having to roll all over my macbook. Last but not least we have this black outdoor cat... I love it when I go outside to call him and he races across the yard like some jaguar or something and then rolls around at my feet. Pets are awesome... God is awesome for knowing we would enjoy them so much :) To add to it all, my family is getting two puppies on thursday! Yaaaay!

If I'm completely honest with myself...

I don't really miss you. At first, it seems and sure feels like it is you that I miss. But in all reality I just miss having someone. Someone to hold me and allow me to feel secure.
Someone to talk to. Someone to stand by me.
I miss all the things that anyone else could miss about anyone in the world.
Sure you have certain quirks that I like about you, but I have those for quite a few people in this world.
So when the day comes that I miss you for you and not just because I want someone to hold me, then I'll know you're the one.
When no one else will do...
That's when I'll miss you.
That's when I'll love you.

My sister

So, I have this sister.
A beautiful creature.
She's funny and has a big heart.
Smarter and more courageous than she knows.
But she's broken...
very broken.
Broken by the world.
Not that she has had to endure more than any other teenage girl, but Satan has it out for her lately. And it breaks my heart, because she doesn't see it. Satan takes his foothold without her acknowledgment. She fights, but she fights against herself, family, and the Lord... not the evil one.
When I am away from her I have nothing but compassion, my heart aches for her. The tears on my face will tell you that I would like for nothing more for her to see how beautiful life is. How beautiful SHE is. How BEAUUUTIFUL THE LORD IS! Most of all, for her to have an unbreakable, thirsting, relationship with the Lord.
But when I am with her, Satan gets the best of me too. My patience dwindles. My compassion evaporates as she presses every button she knows how to. Voices raise too quickly and end in silent anger.
We are at war, only some do not see it. How dangerous to be in a war and not realize it?! Only, it's not with each like we often think, but with devil.


"We were born into a world at war. This scene we're living in is no sitcom; it's bloody battle. Haven't you noticed with what deadly accuracy the wound was given? Those blows you've taken - they were not random accidents at all. They hit dead center... It was an attempt to take you out; to cripple or destroy your strength and get you out of the action." - John Eldridge
So behind all the teenage attitude and "big girl wisdom"... I know the little girl is in there. Let her reach out and ask for help?

Please? Let yourself be vulnerable, to the one that matters. To your creator, father, Lord, savior, friend, and healer. I love you.

Come consume me, Jesus

Father God, you are so good, so beautiful, so just, so glorious. Thank you Abba for loving us, for being so merciful. Nature declares your power and might. You are all that matters. Dear Lord, I'm sorry. My pride blinds me. Forgive me, Hessed! I am selfish and undeserving. The christian martyrs I read of had so much love and forgiveness for their persecutors! And here I am, struggling to give the same response to my loving family, bosses, and co-workers who do MUCH less to me. I am so weak. So unclean. I am sorry Jesus, I'm sorry. Teach me to love. Show me what it means to have patience and be self-controlled... to be gentle and kind but at the same the time bold and courageous. Give me your eyes dear Lord, allow me to love deeper. Strengthen my faith, strengthen my feeble frame. Show me the way, give me the words. Speak through me. I want to trust you Father. For you alone are worthy of being trusted! Your love is deeper than any other. Fill me, Holy Spirit, until I am over flowing, I want others to see YOU when they look at me. Any success I have is because of you. All I have is yours Yahweh! Mold me and make me. Humble me and teach me. Heal me, Rapha, for this world rips at me and leaves me broken and tattered. I need you, I want you. Come burn in me, Jesus... like an uncontrollable fire, come consume me. It is in your name that I pray. Amen

The Lord’s Name is HOLY!

I feel like the commandment “do not use the Lord’s name in vain” is the commandment that gets dealt with most light heartedly. I don’t know what to say to help others see how Holy the Lords name is! There are not words to describe. I do not think we realize how much power and meaning there is in His name. We get this attitude that “it’s just a name”. He is the one. He is Jesus. He is the LORD. There is might in his name.

"Keep my commands and follow them. I am the LORD. Do not profane my holy name. I must be acknowledged as holy by the Israelites. I am the LORD, who makes you holy.” - NIV Leviticus 22:31-32

“No using the name of God, your God, in curses or silly banter; God won't put up with the irreverent use of his name.” - Message Exodus 20:7

I think it’s also important to realize that scripture doesn’t only talk about the Lord’s name in reference to misuse but also the power it has when we use it correctly.

“When you are assembled in the name of our Lord Jesus and I am with you in spirit, and the power of our Lord Jesus is present,” – NIV 1 Corinthians 5:4

“By faith in the name of Jesus, this man whom you see and know was made strong. It is Jesus' name and the faith that comes through him that has given this complete healing to him, as you can all see.” – NIV Acts 3:16

and her fortress was built, brick by brick

I recently finished reading Wild at Heart by John Eldridge. There was one chapter where he spoke of a man's need to be a hero and woman's need to be rescued. In order to do that "Adam" will have to tear down the walls that have been built around "Eve's" heart from her past. He says that by the time this moment comes those walls may have been multiplied into a fortress. At first I thought that my walls would never amount to a fortress. I've never been physically abused, my parents are still married and love each other, I'm still a virgin and for the most part have dated good guys. I started to think of the problems I do have as minor compared to those of others. But that is exactly what Satan wants me to believe isn’t it? That my problems are nothing and I’m making a bigger deal out of it than it really is. Right? I don’t really know.
I do know that I FEEL like there is a fortress being built. All 5 boyfriends have left their own wall. The world has broken me and built others. My flesh fights me and I build another. I’m tired and worn… and I’m only 20. I fight for purpose, but can’t seem to find any. I don’t want to let anyone in, but I do. I fight for control even though I know it’s not mine to control.


“When Eve was deceived, the artistry of being a woman took a fateful dive into the barren places of control and loneliness. Now every daughter of Eve wants to “control her surrounding her relationship, her God.” No longer is she vulnerable; now she will be grasping. No longer does she want simply to share in the adventure; now she wants to control it. And as for her beauty, she either hides it in fear and anger, or she uses it to secure her place in the world. “In our fear that no one will speak on our behalf or protect us or fight for us, we start to recreate both ourselves and our role in the story. We manipulate our surroundings so we don’t feel so defenseless.” Fallen Eve either becomes rigid or clingy. Put simply, Eve is no longer simply inviting. She is either hiding in busyness or demanding that Adam come through for her; usually, an odd combination of both.” -Wild at Heart

He pinned me exactly. So what do I do about it? How do I let go of the need to control? How do I trust that man will fight for me? What if no one ever will fight for me?

Adventures with my Lord and Savior

These past couple weeks have been so hectic in the preparation for the end of the year. Right now, I sit in a practically empty dorm room. Tomorrow my freshman year will officially be over after my 8 o'clock final. Crazy. I need a vacation. ha Freshman year was not what I expected. Extreme loneliness. Tough classes. Heartless people. Good and bad relationships. A broken heart and pride. Self-esteem struggles. I've taken the road less traveled at Harding University and it's taught me much. I am better because of these struggles. The tears have made me stronger.

When first looking back on this year I had a moment of heartbreak because it seemed at first glance like a complete waste. Yes, I've made friendships and had many fun times... but I could have had so many more. Did I waste my freshman year because of shyness and self-esteem issues? Not at all. The struggles I experienced were REAL. They taught me something. However, from here on out living life to the fullest will have a new meaning. There are people to meet. Mountains to climb. Adventures with my Lord and Savior.

The Lord has great plans for me. :) And I'm excited to experience them.