and her fortress was built, brick by brick

I recently finished reading Wild at Heart by John Eldridge. There was one chapter where he spoke of a man's need to be a hero and woman's need to be rescued. In order to do that "Adam" will have to tear down the walls that have been built around "Eve's" heart from her past. He says that by the time this moment comes those walls may have been multiplied into a fortress. At first I thought that my walls would never amount to a fortress. I've never been physically abused, my parents are still married and love each other, I'm still a virgin and for the most part have dated good guys. I started to think of the problems I do have as minor compared to those of others. But that is exactly what Satan wants me to believe isn’t it? That my problems are nothing and I’m making a bigger deal out of it than it really is. Right? I don’t really know.
I do know that I FEEL like there is a fortress being built. All 5 boyfriends have left their own wall. The world has broken me and built others. My flesh fights me and I build another. I’m tired and worn… and I’m only 20. I fight for purpose, but can’t seem to find any. I don’t want to let anyone in, but I do. I fight for control even though I know it’s not mine to control.


“When Eve was deceived, the artistry of being a woman took a fateful dive into the barren places of control and loneliness. Now every daughter of Eve wants to “control her surrounding her relationship, her God.” No longer is she vulnerable; now she will be grasping. No longer does she want simply to share in the adventure; now she wants to control it. And as for her beauty, she either hides it in fear and anger, or she uses it to secure her place in the world. “In our fear that no one will speak on our behalf or protect us or fight for us, we start to recreate both ourselves and our role in the story. We manipulate our surroundings so we don’t feel so defenseless.” Fallen Eve either becomes rigid or clingy. Put simply, Eve is no longer simply inviting. She is either hiding in busyness or demanding that Adam come through for her; usually, an odd combination of both.” -Wild at Heart

He pinned me exactly. So what do I do about it? How do I let go of the need to control? How do I trust that man will fight for me? What if no one ever will fight for me?