Lament

I went rock climbing at Horseshoe Canyon Ranch in Arkansas yesterday with my two sisters and some friends from school. It was the youngest one’s birthday, she turned 16. :) The middle sister and I have had lots of issues here in the past… 4 years? :/ But yesterday was probably the best day we’d had in that length of time. I was able to just let things wash over me and focus on the beautiful of nature around me, my wonderful friends, and just loving her. I realized again yesterday something that I at times forget because we’re so busy arguing. She’s broken. As am I. I truly believe that only THE Rapha can heal us.

I’ve encountered lately more “anti-Jesus” thinking than usual. Usually it’s disguised as something that sounds amazing and true. But I know. I know where it will take us. I see it everyday. I see people dealing with even more brokenness than I have to deal with. I long for the day when all is right and the Lord comes for us. There’s so much depravity. I wish I could be a little girl again, with a mind oblivious to all the evil. I’m so emotionally involved in what I see. My heart aches for people I barely know who have dived into a game of justifying the immoral because they think it’s what they want and what will make them happy. I don’t want to be devoured by the jaws of corruption. But those people or I suppose the evil one (the sin not the sinner) try desperately to convince me that it is what I want… to relish in my desires in a way that has nothing to do with how God has planned for us to enjoy them. Oh to be home with my Father.

Friendship

Friendship

“Even though we've changed and we're all finding our own place in the world, we all know that when the tears fall or the smile spreads across our face, we'll come to each other because no matter where this crazy world takes us, nothing will ever change so much to the point where we're not all still friends."






"True friends stab you in the front."




“A friend is someone who knows the song in your heart and can sing it back to you when you have forgotten the words.”








“True friendship isn't about being there when it's convenient; it's about being there when it's not.”













"Friendship is a treasured gift, and every time I talk with you I feel as if I'm getting richer and richer."

stomach drops

ya know that feeling when your stomach drops at the sight of a specific someone? yeaaaah. I feel like that will be the definition of today. Sometimes it’s a happy feeling that’s welcomed. This time, I’d prefer to have control over it. :/ It drops at the visceral fear and ache those words inspire. Nevertheless, I need to stop fearing hurt. It was never anything, there wasn’t care or love… just selfishness. Time to move on and be a big girl.

moving on.... straight hair! it doesn't happen very often.


So I'd heard of the "prosperity" gospel before.. but I'm pretty sure once I did the climax was already gone. Anyway, I recently discovered that Kanye West is in the category of representing/promoting the prosperity gospel. I found that interesting, I'm not sure why it intrigued me so... maybe because he's a big name and I didn't expect any of them to be involved.

Spring break in a week. :) Dominated my Art Anatomy midterm this morning... that is probably the most difficult one I'll have.

Sometimes, when I need cheering up...

Anchors

Anchors. Pulling. They weigh on me. Keeping me from being who I desire to be. They make me uncomfortable in my own skin. Sinking. Struggling. Fighting. Some are heavier than others. When I ask, when I spend time with him, he relieves me of them. But over time, they creep back in. I go back asking for freedom once again and he always provides it. I long for that day when I will longer have to keep asking. They'll be gone forever.





"Oh, I guess they'll say I've grown
I know more than I wanted to know
I've said more than I wanted to say

I'm heading home
Yeah, but I'm not so sure
That home is a place
You can still get to by train"



"I don't give a damn,
I'm happy as a clam,
nobody knows me at all
Ah, what can you do?
There's nobody like you.
Nobody knows me at all"

Valiant. Vulnerable. Scandalous.

Just some quotes, thoughts, whatever... things floating through my mind that I feel compelled to spread.

"To put it bluntly, your flesh is a weasel, a poser, and a selfish pig. And your flesh in not you. Did you know that? Your flesh is not the real you." - John Eldridge

"Reason sits firm and holds the reins, and she will not let the feelings burst away and hurry her to wild chasms. The passions may rage furiously, like true heathens, as they are; and the desires may imagine all sorts of vain things: but judgement shall still have the last word in every argument, and the casting vote in every decision. Strong wind, earthquake-shoke, and fire may pass by: but I shall follow the guiding of that still small voice which interprets the dictates of conscience." quote from Jane Eyre by Charlotte Bronte

I want to be a woman of God. I want to be what he created me to be. Proverbs 31. Valiant. Vulnerable. Yet Scandalous. I want adventure and purpose.

"Live freely, animated and motivated by God's Spirit. Then you won't feel the compulsions of selfishness." -Galatians 5:16 The Message

"The devil he wore such a fine, fine shirt and it stayed so clean while he dragged me through the dirt." - Deb Talen

"Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice!" -Phil. 4:4

Wheat among weeds.

"I have unanswered prayers
I have trouble I wish wasn't there
And I have asked a thousand ways
That You would take my pain away" - JJ Heller

"All else is temporal, except the things that are pleasing to Him." - Mike Bickel

I forget how good the devil is at his job. Pulling at my flesh, distracting me. I long for the day when I'll be free of it.

"The great dragon was hurled down - that ancient serpent called the devil, or satan, who leads the whole world astray. He was hurled to the earth, and his angels with him." - Rev. 12:9

From the best friend:

My best friend back home posted this today. The Lord is so amazing. I haven’t even talked to her in weeks and the Lord is still placing the same thing on our hearts! I’ve been throwing around some of these same thoughts in my head lately! I’m truly baffled at how God connects her and I without even the need to communicate at times. So anyway, here ya go:

I’ve had a burden on my heart lately about purity and godly relationships. I’m writing my thoughts down in a word document that has gotten pretty lengthy, but I feel like the Lord wants me to post a few thoughts today before the whole thing is finished. Some of these statements will probably seem bold and extreme, but I stand by them because I do feel like they are from the Lord. I welcome any and all thoughts and comments!

(Please note: Just because you’re tagged in this doesn’t mean that I think you need to hear it. I really just want to hear your thoughts. And I know most of you well enough that I know you’ll have something to say (…*Cough*…Katie and Matt….). I truly care about your thoughts because this issue is really important to me.)

Lately I’ve been floored with the people who have come to me confessing sexual impurity. Many of whom are looked to as leaders in youth groups and are seen as genuine christians.

Last night I was praying asking God what is the missing piece? I’ve heard many purity sermons, and I know I’m not alone on that. But impurity runs rampant in the church, even with more churches addressing it. Many people who confess and repent fall right back into their lusts until the next purity message is preached to them. But why? What’s missing? I feel like the Lord said to me this:

The Bottom Line: To be pure yourself, and to have a godly, pure relationship, both people in a relationship have to be in love and fascinated with Jesus and the things of Jesus.

I feel like sexual impurity’s definition has been watered down to only extreme physical relations. So for our purposes, this is how I define it.

Sexual impurity: Engaging in any intimate relations, physical or emotional, with someone other than your spouse.

When you’re married it’s not okay to kiss, flirt, or share personal, intimate things with members of the opposite sex, so I don’t think it’s okay before you’ve found your spouse.

I believe that dating around for the purpose of dating is selfish, and out of Godly character. Looking for love outside of the Lord is so dangerous!

I also believe that casual dating is a one way ticket to sexual impurity. You don’t have to date around to find what you want in a guy/girl. Being in love with Jesus will show you that.

If you are dating someone who doesn’t have the same zeal, passion, and conviction about the things of the Lord that you do, get out! Run for the hills! It’s not worth sacrificing your relationship with the Lord! Don’t even entertain those thoughts, because they are straight from Satan. This matter is not to be taken lightly. I promise you that you will be dragged down 100x faster than you will lift them up. And, someone might even depend on you for their relationship with the Lord.

This area, like all other areas of the christian life, isn’t supposed to be similar to the world’s way. And the area of dating looks all to familiar to the world’s way of dating.

I’m truthfully not trying to be condemning. I’ve screwed up in every single one of these areas that I’m addressing. I don’t know why the Lord has lit such a fire in me about this, but He has and I can’t keep it in. I truly feel like this area has been compromised in, and that if we can get a handle on the issue of pure, Godly relationships, we can better address the more severe issues of pornography, abortion, homosexuality, and other sexually immoral issues.

Don’t compromise for companionship! It’s not worth it! Jesus wants to fill that void. If you are not okay with being single, then you are not ready to be in a relationship. We’re all created with the longing to be loved, and to have companionship, but Jesus is the only one who can fill that void. And I promise you being intimate with Jesus, and finding your pleasure and fascination in His presence with satisfy you more than any other relationship!