Anchors

Anchors. Pulling. They weigh on me. Keeping me from being who I desire to be. They make me uncomfortable in my own skin. Sinking. Struggling. Fighting. Some are heavier than others. When I ask, when I spend time with him, he relieves me of them. But over time, they creep back in. I go back asking for freedom once again and he always provides it. I long for that day when I will longer have to keep asking. They'll be gone forever.





"Oh, I guess they'll say I've grown
I know more than I wanted to know
I've said more than I wanted to say

I'm heading home
Yeah, but I'm not so sure
That home is a place
You can still get to by train"



"I don't give a damn,
I'm happy as a clam,
nobody knows me at all
Ah, what can you do?
There's nobody like you.
Nobody knows me at all"

Valiant. Vulnerable. Scandalous.

Just some quotes, thoughts, whatever... things floating through my mind that I feel compelled to spread.

"To put it bluntly, your flesh is a weasel, a poser, and a selfish pig. And your flesh in not you. Did you know that? Your flesh is not the real you." - John Eldridge

"Reason sits firm and holds the reins, and she will not let the feelings burst away and hurry her to wild chasms. The passions may rage furiously, like true heathens, as they are; and the desires may imagine all sorts of vain things: but judgement shall still have the last word in every argument, and the casting vote in every decision. Strong wind, earthquake-shoke, and fire may pass by: but I shall follow the guiding of that still small voice which interprets the dictates of conscience." quote from Jane Eyre by Charlotte Bronte

I want to be a woman of God. I want to be what he created me to be. Proverbs 31. Valiant. Vulnerable. Yet Scandalous. I want adventure and purpose.

"Live freely, animated and motivated by God's Spirit. Then you won't feel the compulsions of selfishness." -Galatians 5:16 The Message

"The devil he wore such a fine, fine shirt and it stayed so clean while he dragged me through the dirt." - Deb Talen

"Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice!" -Phil. 4:4

Wheat among weeds.

"I have unanswered prayers
I have trouble I wish wasn't there
And I have asked a thousand ways
That You would take my pain away" - JJ Heller

"All else is temporal, except the things that are pleasing to Him." - Mike Bickel

I forget how good the devil is at his job. Pulling at my flesh, distracting me. I long for the day when I'll be free of it.

"The great dragon was hurled down - that ancient serpent called the devil, or satan, who leads the whole world astray. He was hurled to the earth, and his angels with him." - Rev. 12:9

From the best friend:

My best friend back home posted this today. The Lord is so amazing. I haven’t even talked to her in weeks and the Lord is still placing the same thing on our hearts! I’ve been throwing around some of these same thoughts in my head lately! I’m truly baffled at how God connects her and I without even the need to communicate at times. So anyway, here ya go:

I’ve had a burden on my heart lately about purity and godly relationships. I’m writing my thoughts down in a word document that has gotten pretty lengthy, but I feel like the Lord wants me to post a few thoughts today before the whole thing is finished. Some of these statements will probably seem bold and extreme, but I stand by them because I do feel like they are from the Lord. I welcome any and all thoughts and comments!

(Please note: Just because you’re tagged in this doesn’t mean that I think you need to hear it. I really just want to hear your thoughts. And I know most of you well enough that I know you’ll have something to say (…*Cough*…Katie and Matt….). I truly care about your thoughts because this issue is really important to me.)

Lately I’ve been floored with the people who have come to me confessing sexual impurity. Many of whom are looked to as leaders in youth groups and are seen as genuine christians.

Last night I was praying asking God what is the missing piece? I’ve heard many purity sermons, and I know I’m not alone on that. But impurity runs rampant in the church, even with more churches addressing it. Many people who confess and repent fall right back into their lusts until the next purity message is preached to them. But why? What’s missing? I feel like the Lord said to me this:

The Bottom Line: To be pure yourself, and to have a godly, pure relationship, both people in a relationship have to be in love and fascinated with Jesus and the things of Jesus.

I feel like sexual impurity’s definition has been watered down to only extreme physical relations. So for our purposes, this is how I define it.

Sexual impurity: Engaging in any intimate relations, physical or emotional, with someone other than your spouse.

When you’re married it’s not okay to kiss, flirt, or share personal, intimate things with members of the opposite sex, so I don’t think it’s okay before you’ve found your spouse.

I believe that dating around for the purpose of dating is selfish, and out of Godly character. Looking for love outside of the Lord is so dangerous!

I also believe that casual dating is a one way ticket to sexual impurity. You don’t have to date around to find what you want in a guy/girl. Being in love with Jesus will show you that.

If you are dating someone who doesn’t have the same zeal, passion, and conviction about the things of the Lord that you do, get out! Run for the hills! It’s not worth sacrificing your relationship with the Lord! Don’t even entertain those thoughts, because they are straight from Satan. This matter is not to be taken lightly. I promise you that you will be dragged down 100x faster than you will lift them up. And, someone might even depend on you for their relationship with the Lord.

This area, like all other areas of the christian life, isn’t supposed to be similar to the world’s way. And the area of dating looks all to familiar to the world’s way of dating.

I’m truthfully not trying to be condemning. I’ve screwed up in every single one of these areas that I’m addressing. I don’t know why the Lord has lit such a fire in me about this, but He has and I can’t keep it in. I truly feel like this area has been compromised in, and that if we can get a handle on the issue of pure, Godly relationships, we can better address the more severe issues of pornography, abortion, homosexuality, and other sexually immoral issues.

Don’t compromise for companionship! It’s not worth it! Jesus wants to fill that void. If you are not okay with being single, then you are not ready to be in a relationship. We’re all created with the longing to be loved, and to have companionship, but Jesus is the only one who can fill that void. And I promise you being intimate with Jesus, and finding your pleasure and fascination in His presence with satisfy you more than any other relationship!

"The most beautiful colors chase the sun"

I found a new (well, new to me) band that I like. :)

I'm reading "I Kissed Dating Goodbye" by Joshua Harris. I've owned it for at least 3 years, but had thought of it has a "high school" book... I guess. ha Turns out I shouldn't be so prideful cause Mr. Harris has lots of awesome things to say. I've heard there is a sequel... and I'll definitely be looking into it. Soooo, don't judge it by it's title and go read it. ;)

I went to the Boxamania ASWF wrestling function yesterday. I was expecting it to be fun, but I enjoyed it way more than I expected. haha It was hilarious, not to mention lots of super awesome people were there.

I've been in a really weird mood today. Just kinda of nonchalant. I am craving sour patch kids though.


Have a good week!

Pretty Lights and Knitting

I love college. Cliche phrase, I know, but it's oh so true. Life is great right now. I'm growing in the Lord. I love my classes. I have great friends who I absolutely love spending time with. More time for rock climbing would be good, but I can't complain.

I'm trying to learn to not let my stresses get the best of me. Just one day at a time. :) It always works out in the end so why do I let the worries in life depress me?

I was watching rock climbing videos while working the dorm desk the other day and came across this pretty cool one that had some good music too. In the end credits I saw a website for the music called Pretty Lights. Turns out its all free to download and there was some decent stuff in there. Yay for free music!

I've also started the wonderful art of knitting. ;) My grandma taught me when I was little but I wasn't very good and gave up quickly. Over break I had her teach me again and now I've made 3 scarfs! ha ;) Maybe I'll get some pictures up soon.

"There she goes again"

Alright, I know, I like to get up on my soap box. I have lots of opinions. I'm also outspoken about them. That often gets me in trouble. At times it's something I don't like about myself and at other times I consider it a gift. It has to come out somehow. I know a large part of my problem is the presentation, because most people get annoyed with my "preaching" and give me that look. Anyway, here I go again.

Judgement of Teachers
James 3:1
NIV "Not many of you should presume to be teachers, my brothers, because you know that we who teach will judged more strictly."
ESV "Not many of you should become teachers, my brothers, for you know that we who teach will be judged with greater strictness"
The Message "1-2Don't be in any rush to become a teacher, my friends. Teaching is highly responsible work. Teachers are held to the strictest standards. And none of us is perfectly qualified. We get it wrong nearly every time we open our mouths. If you could find someone whose speech was perfectly true, you'd have a perfect person, in perfect control of life."

If we consider ourselves "higher" we will be judged accordingly. How come we teach and lead Bible studies but then go home to spend hours watching tv, arguing with family members, and starring at facebook. Not only will the Lord hold us to higher standard but Satan is after those who teach. He doesn't want teachers to have the Godly impact and growth in the church that they are capable of. Teachers must be on guard and preparing themselves! With greater spiritual maturity comes greater spiritual warfare.

Meekness
James 4:6
NLT "But he gives us even more grace to stand against such evil desires. As the Scriptures say, “God opposes the proud but favors the humble.”"

Matthew 5:5
NAS "Blessed are the gentle, for they shall inherit the earth."
NIV "Blessed are the meek, for they will inherit the earth."

To gain meekness we must pursue it. Meaning a mind set to find meekness, valuing it's importance and striving to achieve it. To be humble goes against our nature, in it we are giving honor, benefit, and privilege to others. Others who often are less committed than yourself. But it doesn't matter. Just avoiding conflict or holding your tongue does NOT mean you have walked in meekness but it is a start. Praying for the Lord to humble us is hard thing to do and actually want sometimes but wouldn't we rather be shown now how prideful we are rather than when we are standing in front of the Lord on that day when he returns? Here is what really gets me... It is IMPOSSIBLE to have meekness in the world and not have meekness in your family. If I can not be humble with those I love and live with, how can be humble towards those in the world?

Simplicity
1 Timothy 6:7-8
ESV "for we brought nothing into the world, and we cannot take anything out of the world. But if we have food and clothing, with these we will be content."
The Message "6-8A devout life does bring wealth, but it's the rich simplicity of being yourself before God. Since we entered the world penniless and will leave it penniless, if we have bread on the table and shoes on our feet, that's enough."

To receive what we have as a gift from God. We must come to understand that even though we work, we live by the grace of God alone. He is the supplier of all that we have. We have to remember not to cling to and fear the loss of possessions, because we know that God will provide what we need. I would HIGHLY recommend the book Celebration of Discipline, the whole book is great but I especially loved the chapters on meditating and simplicity. He talks about how MUCH we have and how LITTLE we really need. We talk quite a bit about the importance of giving... and giving is important, but how often do we talk about how riches can distract us from focusing on the Lord. We need to walk away from or get rid of anything that distracts us from seeking first the Kingdom of God. This is ultimately where the heart of true simplicity lives.

30 by 30

I think the most important thing I’ve continued to realize this semester is how much I have to learn. I’ve also gotten a new perspective on my pride and how I need to fix it. Reading through the Gospels and being reminded of how perfect Jesus is also opens my eyes to the fact that no one is good, not even one. I am no better than anyone else. I think this is something that is especially hard for us who have grown up in a materialistic culture to deal with because the culture is “all about me” focused.
At first I thought it was silly to say I was finding myself. I felt like that was such a teenager stage to be in. It has really become evident to me this semester that we are definitely working on finding ourselves, all of us. College students are known for having outlandish dreams. I love it. Everywhere I go on campus I hear people talking about big ideas and goals they have in life.
The sad thing is, a lot of our elders say it’s just a phase. I can’t count how many times I’ve talked about some big dream I have and gotten some crazy a look from someone older than myself. So what is possible and a reality… and what is just a phase I’m going through? What will I choose to chase after and make a reality? And most importantly, will it be for the Lord?

In this all about me culture, it also affects our goals. I recently started a 30 by 30 list (30 things to do by the time I am 30 years old). The first thing that went on it was to rock climb “The Nose” on El Cap in Yosemite. The Nose is a 2,400 ft climb that takes an average of 4 days (2 nights sleeping on the side of cliff) and lots of experience. The next thought that ran through my head was this, “Do I want to achieve this for me? Or is it for Lord?” If my motives are just so I can say I did it, I am doing it for the wrong reasons. If I want to tackle this feat so that I can impact people along the way and become closer to Jesus through the journey, then let’s start buying gear. Everything I do in life should be for El Shaddai. I should be pouring Him into my relationships on earth and loving on people as He works through me. I am ready to dream big and allow the Lord to penetrate every part of it.