He is God and There is No Other

I think I have written here before about how college involves so much change. It's been hard to adjust too.... but now I think while I still struggle with the emotions that come because of change I'm slightly addicted to it.

Lately I've been thinking about my role among my friends and peers... as a queen for a social club, among my roommates, in a group of rock climbers, as a student. I'm one of the old queens now and it feels weird to be on the outs. I'm not invited to hang out as much, the guys I'm really close to have dwindled because they have graduated, gotten girlfriends, or just aren't active. I'm not complaining, I know it's just how things go... but it's hard to let go of. My roommates are absolutely amazing, I love them all. All of them but one is graduated though and that one is graduating in May and then moving off to grad school. They are all either moving on to grad school in May or in search of something that will most likely lead them away from me. Once again, not complaining, I'm so excited for their new opportunities and that they are following the Lord's will for their lives. It's so hard to let them go though, I want them to stay here with me. I'll be a fifth year senior but I feel as though I'm graduating simply because of the amount of change. I haven't climbed in nearly 3 months. That's the longest I've gone since I was a freshman. This one I AM complaining about. ha I'm not completely sure why but the group of climbers has changed and while I love climbing simply for climbing I also was drawn so much to the community that I had there.

Anyway, enough explaining about all the change and on to some sort of point. Encountering
 this change causes me to get scared sometimes. It's a very lonely feeling mixed with nostalgia. But then, it hits me, a lot like it did almost 4 years ago at the end of my freshman year when I wrote Adventures with my Lord and Savior, it's Jesus and I. The Lord is never changing and I'm on this adventure of life primarily with Him... and that is so fantastic. All the people in my life that I love so much are so important to me and I'm thankful for the opportunity to grow with them and fellowship with them and see Jesus in them. Ultimately though, people will come and go... and even those who stay around will fail me sometimes but the Lord has captivated me, I'm on this escapade with him and I am exhilarated by that. The memorable moments I've experienced the last four years I will always hold dear and even miss them ... I have this desire to sit here and tell you ALL about them because I love them that much. What gives me peace is there is more to come and even some better ones to come! How freaking exciting! :D This is where I get hooked. The change, just like the other struggles in life, bring me back to a sharp focus on the Lord and my purpose. His hope is an anchor for my soul. He is faithful. He loves. This life isn't about me or my happiness, it's about Him and as I keep along in that he takes care of any needs I have. Mercy tore the curtain. We walk the God Almighty and there is no other.

The Parable of the Ten Virgins

Where to start? So many lessons and emotions have been flooding my life in the past month or so. Leading up to New Years I had time of renewal and revelation at Onething in Kansas City. Then things quickly plummeted when I had a conversation with family that hurt more than much else I've experienced and within days it was countered with complete truth and healing encouragement. The Lord has continued to erratically pour out that truth and encouragement right when I need it. All of this after the struggle I've addressed in my last couple posts... recovering from my disgrace of falling so far; months of losing a battle with sin that has tainted so many relationships I must face daily, which brings reoccurring pain of it all. It's left me with so many questions and so I've been searching.

I want to put into my own words a scriptural commentary on The Parable of the Ten Virgins in Matthew 25 that I recently read by Misty Edwards. First go read the parable. Of course I'd read this parable before but I guess I thought the 5 virgins that didn't get into the marriage feast were unbelievers or at least hypocrites. This is where Misty opened up some things for me. Notice that the 10 women are virgins and they are all waiting on the bridegroom. They are obviously all believers, why would an unbeliever be described as a virgin and on top of that why would someone who didn't love the bridegroom be waiting on the Him? This completely shakes up the parable. Because then the question is what is the oil? This fuel is what kept the 5 from not being able to get in. Before I even read what Misty had to say it was, I knew. The Holy Spirit. So many passionate Christians burn out somewhere along the way and it's all because they loose that intimate connection with the Holy Spirit that comes from staying focused on Jesus. I love that Misty points out that everyone sleeps, not just the foolish. In this context sleep is not a bad thing, it's the routine of life... we all gotta do it sometimes. There is a delay in the bridegrooms coming and we must keep our hearts flowing in the Holy Spirit for "what we do with our hearts in this delay defines wisdom and folly."

This speaks to me so much, especially as of late. I got so preoccupied with what impact I was making for the Lord that I began to backslide and it escalated farther than I ever anticipated because I thought I was in "it". As soon as we get more concerned about our impact rather than concerned with Jesus Himself, we have become foolish. Making the impact truly comes when we are overflowing from encountering Jesus. SO... with that being the case, I pray:

I want more of You. You know what I long for, Lord; You hear my every sigh. My heart beats wildly, my strength fails, and I am going blind from my sin and the lies of Satan. Invite me in. Invite me into the garden, into Your heart, into the depths of who you are. I long for an eternal perspective, Hessed. Forgive me, Father, for getting more pleasure out of these earthly things. Focus my mind on the pleasures of Heaven... on the pleasures of your Holy Spirit. Reveal to me more and more. On You I wait. I know that I can only be satisfied when satisfying You. So teach me how. My hands are open has I climb this mountain. Take it all. Come Holy Spirit, come. How far will you let me go? How abandon will You let me be? Awake my soul and bound it to You... for it wonders. Captivate me and may I come to understand further how much You are captivated by me. Set a fire down in my soul, that I can't contain or control. Come be the fire inside of me. Guide my heart until You and I are one. This earth will fade away, but You, oh God, are forever. In the precious name of Jesus, Amen.