Tuesday, June 28, 2011
Thursday, June 23, 2011
Stolen Poems
A few stolen poems that make me feel better to read because they remind me I'm not alone in my feeling.
She sat alone on an island
Hills cascading into the fog
Staring at the swords drawn
From armies left on the other side of the sea
She stayed
Blue from the cold
Purple from the loneliness
But unmoving
Against the pressures from society
I Haunt My Own Mind
Confusion haunts me
As I wander the corridors of my mind.
Peeking into rooms filled with memories
I laugh, I cringe, I cry, and I feel terrified
All over again.
I shut the doors,
Feeling even more confused.
I stumble upon empty rooms
Waiting to be filled with new memories.
Some labeled, while others remain a mystery.
I shake the doorhandles to open
To show me the future I have yet to experience.
But they do not give way.
For I have not gone through those events yet.
I bang my hands on the doors
Pleading with them, with God, with myself
To show me what to do.
But all remains silent
And I am left to wander the hallways of my mind
Feeling worse than I did before.
I want someone who’d hold me close
and kiss all of my fears away.
I want someone who wants to be with me
without the need for asking him to stay
I do not need a love that’s perfect
I just have to know if it’s real and true.
Tuesday, June 21, 2011
Freedom
I've had this overwhelming feeling of freedom and peace lately. Not to say that certain stresses I've been dealing with lately like money and family issues have gone away. I just feel better about the idea of those things not working out anytime soon. It is all about perspective. My whole world could come crashing down and it would be ok because I have a relationship with the Lord of Lords. This is where my entry starts to sound corny because there are no words to express His glory and the utter importance of the relationship involving Him. Nothing else matters. I could end up not having enough money to go study abroad in Italy and He'll still be my Abba and will have great plans for me despite. My family may never get along or understand me, but He understands me completely. I may end up deserted in every romantic relationship... but the greatest lover of my soul will forever pursue me. Each day is another day to relish in his unfailing love and an opportunity to declare his splendor.
"If we were as concerned with our spiritual condition as we are with our homes and our businesses and our income; we would go forward spiritually at a great rate." - A.W. Tozer
"Whom have I in heaven but you?
I desire you more than anything on earth.
My health may fail, and my spirit may grow weak,
but God remains the strength of my heart;
he is mine forever."
-Psalm 73:25-26
I've been a bit restless lately; annoyed with the requirement of work and the binding power money can have. I just want to have adventure. I'd rather pack up all my stuff and rough for a whole summer and get to rock climb all over the country. Unfortunately, that's not how it works out. The Lord has given me peace here too though. While I still desire to do that, I also know that the greatest adventure is that relationship with Him and the challenge of helping others to find that relationship themselves. He created those mountains and I know he wants me to experience them, but they are not what is most important. Patience. All good things come to those who are patient.
"1 Come, let us sing for joy to the LORD;
let us shout aloud to the Rock of our salvation.
2 Let us come before him with thanksgiving
and extol him with music and song.
3 For the LORD is the great God,
the great King above all gods.
4 In his hand are the depths of the earth,
and the mountain peaks belong to him.
5 The sea is his, for he made it,
and his hands formed the dry land.
6 Come, let us bow down in worship,
let us kneel before the LORD our Maker;
7 for he is our God
and we are the people of his pasture,
the flock under his care.
Today, if only you would hear his voice,"
- Psalm 95:1-7 NIV
Update on 6/22
This entry became even more real today. All I need is You, Lord. And I wish others could see that all they need is the same. When my heart aches... He's there to hold me. It'll all be alright. Faith. He doesn't promises me no pain, but he does promise a happy ending. And hopefully some stinkin awesome moments before then.
"If we were as concerned with our spiritual condition as we are with our homes and our businesses and our income; we would go forward spiritually at a great rate." - A.W. Tozer
"Whom have I in heaven but you?
I desire you more than anything on earth.
My health may fail, and my spirit may grow weak,
but God remains the strength of my heart;
he is mine forever."
-Psalm 73:25-26
I've been a bit restless lately; annoyed with the requirement of work and the binding power money can have. I just want to have adventure. I'd rather pack up all my stuff and rough for a whole summer and get to rock climb all over the country. Unfortunately, that's not how it works out. The Lord has given me peace here too though. While I still desire to do that, I also know that the greatest adventure is that relationship with Him and the challenge of helping others to find that relationship themselves. He created those mountains and I know he wants me to experience them, but they are not what is most important. Patience. All good things come to those who are patient.
"1 Come, let us sing for joy to the LORD;
let us shout aloud to the Rock of our salvation.
2 Let us come before him with thanksgiving
and extol him with music and song.
3 For the LORD is the great God,
the great King above all gods.
4 In his hand are the depths of the earth,
and the mountain peaks belong to him.
5 The sea is his, for he made it,
and his hands formed the dry land.
6 Come, let us bow down in worship,
let us kneel before the LORD our Maker;
7 for he is our God
and we are the people of his pasture,
the flock under his care.
Today, if only you would hear his voice,"
- Psalm 95:1-7 NIV
Update on 6/22
This entry became even more real today. All I need is You, Lord. And I wish others could see that all they need is the same. When my heart aches... He's there to hold me. It'll all be alright. Faith. He doesn't promises me no pain, but he does promise a happy ending. And hopefully some stinkin awesome moments before then.
Friday, June 3, 2011
Sharing the Wealth
Thought I'd spread the wealth of wisdom I've discovered. Here's a combination of sermons, books, and music that I feel have taught me and helped me grow.
Sermons:
The New Rules for Love, Sex, and Dating
By Andy Stanley
Got this one from my friend Bethany Chapman. :) It's a 4 part sermon so therefore... very long, but sooo worth it. I took a good three pages of notes.
Fire & Water
By Damon Thompson
Got this one from Miss Kayla Hatch. It's a 3 part but not as long as Love, Sex, and Dating. He's pretty up in your face, but I tend to like that kinda stuff. ha
Get a Job
By Ben Stuart
My friend Chloe Birdwell gave me a sermon after a break up I had my freshman year of college by Ben Stuart called The Undistracted Devotion. It was amazing and exactly what I needed at the time. I looked him up on the internet and found a site with a bunch more sermons for free by him. He's pretty funny and I've probably listened to at least 25 of his sermons.
More sermons by Ben Stuart
The Magnet of Meekness - Breaking through the Heart
By Mike Bickle
Kayla introduced to me to Mike Bickle. He's the founder of IHOP (International House of Prayer) in Kansas City. His website has a TON of sermons to listen to. This one in particular hit me hard, though. If you have a pride issue, prepare yourself. His site is well organized so I'd really encourage you to go look around and find a sermon on something that you struggle with. I don't agree with all that he says but he's definitely a man after God's own heart.
mikebickle.org
Choices
By Billy Graham
The classic Billy Graham. He's always a good choice and refreshing.
Books:
The Bible
By God
I know it's such a "sunday school answer" to list this. But seriously. It doesn't matter what you read or listen to, you have to be rooted in this first. How then can you test what you read if you don't examine the truth for yourself?
Mere Christianity
By C.S. Lewis
Really, anything by C.S. Lewis is a worthy read. Amazing and I vary rarely find something I disagree with. It's harder to concentrate on though because of the mix of his old english, high education, and deep thoughts.
Captivating
or
Wild at Heart
By John Eldredge
Girl and Guy versions. I read both and would suggest both. I can't tell you how many quotes I have throughout my journals that come from these two books.
Anything by A.W. Tozer.
Tracie Peterson
I was once that teenage girl that read Nicholas Sparks more than anything else. While his books aren't horrible... they definitely didn't help my spiritual life either. Sooo, if you're a woman who likes her romances, you should look up Tracie Peterson. She was my switch from Sparks. It's historical romance christian fiction. Kinda corny, but so is Sparks. ;)
The Mark of the Lion Trilogy
By Francine Rivers
Everyone always talks about Redeeming Love by Francine Rivers. I read it, but wasn't super impressed... almost annoyed with how long it dragged on. But her Mark of the Lion Trilogy... AMAZING. I read all three books over Christmas break one year (and their not small books). This is again historical romance christian fiction, but I know a few guys that like it too.
Rob Bell
This man has definitely made me think. I've read a few of his books (including Velvet Elvis, Sex God, ect) and watched quite a few of his Nooma videos. He has quite a bit of truth in his early stuff. But as of late, this man has gone off the deep end. I'd be very careful in reading his material but as long as you test it, I think it can still help you grow.
Passion for Jesus
By Mike Bickle
Founder of International House of Prayer (IHOP). I'm really hoping I can visit there sometimes soon. *fingers crossed*
Blue Like Jazz
By Donald Miller
It's good. Nuf said.
Celebration of Discipline
By Richard J. Foster
I had to read this for a bible class at Harding. I don't remember who the teacher was... Andrew Baker maybe. Anyway, the class responded in different ways to it. Some didn't seem to like it at all, but I personally like it a lot and highlighted the crap out of it.
A Young Woman After God's Own Heart
By Elizabeth George
For all the pre-teen girls. haha I read this in Jr. High and think that it definitely started me out on a great path of learning and growing.
I Kissed Dating Goodbye
By Joshua Harris
Probably something I should read again even though I just read it within the past year. I read a TON of dating books throughout high school... and I wish I would have read this one first. But who knows, I probably wouldn't have been as receptive to it then. Harris has some extreme ideas that our culture will scoff at (hence the title). I've heard there is a sequel he wrote after getting married and I'd like to read it.
Music:
Hillsong
To all my church of christ friends that don't listen to much instrumental music... hearing this group could change your mind. So much emotion for the Lord... I love it.
Your Hands
By JJ Heller
Many of her songs are good but this is my favorite.
In Christ Alone
By Page CXVI
An amazing classic song redone very well but also in a more modern way.
Kim Walker
I especially like her version of How He Loves.
Joy (Live) Album
An album made from the worship services at IHOP. Various artists. Absolutely amazing. My favorite... if I had to choose would most likely be He's Alive by Laura Hackett and Cory Asbury
The Almost
Great band. I've cried countless times to Amazing Because It Is. They also have a good version of Your Love is Extravagant.
Sweet Sweet Sound
By Sarah Reeves
Pick Me Up
By Hideaway
I don't even know if anyone will be able to find them. They were a local band I saw play a couple times that I have a cd of. This song has helped me through many low points. "I wanna cry, when our worlds colliade. Our hearts are breaking. This sin is taking me from you. I wish I could find a way through the darkness in my heart, it's tearing me apart from you. I hate it when you find me here, cause I've fallen down the same place again. I got the same look on my face of guilt and sorrow. But I'm coming back tomorrow. Can you pick me up again?"
From the Inside Out
There are lots of good versions of this song. I probably listen to the one by Seventh Day Slumber the most.
A Mirror Is Harder to Hold
By Jon Foreman
He's just... great. haha
Stand On Grace
By Jimmy Needham
I memorized Needham's Benediction from his Speak. album for a sermon I preached once at my church. Good stuff.
Alright I should probably wrap this up... otherwise I'll go on forever.
I'll end with Barlow Girl, Tenth Avenue North, Skillet, Sanctus Real, Mychildren Mybride, and FM Static. They coached me through most of Jr. High and High School.
.... That was ridiculously long. I should be job searching. Later.
Sermons:
The New Rules for Love, Sex, and Dating
By Andy Stanley
Got this one from my friend Bethany Chapman. :) It's a 4 part sermon so therefore... very long, but sooo worth it. I took a good three pages of notes.
Fire & Water
By Damon Thompson
Got this one from Miss Kayla Hatch. It's a 3 part but not as long as Love, Sex, and Dating. He's pretty up in your face, but I tend to like that kinda stuff. ha
Get a Job
By Ben Stuart
My friend Chloe Birdwell gave me a sermon after a break up I had my freshman year of college by Ben Stuart called The Undistracted Devotion. It was amazing and exactly what I needed at the time. I looked him up on the internet and found a site with a bunch more sermons for free by him. He's pretty funny and I've probably listened to at least 25 of his sermons.
More sermons by Ben Stuart
The Magnet of Meekness - Breaking through the Heart
By Mike Bickle
Kayla introduced to me to Mike Bickle. He's the founder of IHOP (International House of Prayer) in Kansas City. His website has a TON of sermons to listen to. This one in particular hit me hard, though. If you have a pride issue, prepare yourself. His site is well organized so I'd really encourage you to go look around and find a sermon on something that you struggle with. I don't agree with all that he says but he's definitely a man after God's own heart.
mikebickle.org
Choices
By Billy Graham
The classic Billy Graham. He's always a good choice and refreshing.
Books:
The Bible
By God
I know it's such a "sunday school answer" to list this. But seriously. It doesn't matter what you read or listen to, you have to be rooted in this first. How then can you test what you read if you don't examine the truth for yourself?
Mere Christianity
By C.S. Lewis
Really, anything by C.S. Lewis is a worthy read. Amazing and I vary rarely find something I disagree with. It's harder to concentrate on though because of the mix of his old english, high education, and deep thoughts.
Captivating
or
Wild at Heart
By John Eldredge
Girl and Guy versions. I read both and would suggest both. I can't tell you how many quotes I have throughout my journals that come from these two books.
Anything by A.W. Tozer.
Tracie Peterson
I was once that teenage girl that read Nicholas Sparks more than anything else. While his books aren't horrible... they definitely didn't help my spiritual life either. Sooo, if you're a woman who likes her romances, you should look up Tracie Peterson. She was my switch from Sparks. It's historical romance christian fiction. Kinda corny, but so is Sparks. ;)
The Mark of the Lion Trilogy
By Francine Rivers
Everyone always talks about Redeeming Love by Francine Rivers. I read it, but wasn't super impressed... almost annoyed with how long it dragged on. But her Mark of the Lion Trilogy... AMAZING. I read all three books over Christmas break one year (and their not small books). This is again historical romance christian fiction, but I know a few guys that like it too.
Rob Bell
This man has definitely made me think. I've read a few of his books (including Velvet Elvis, Sex God, ect) and watched quite a few of his Nooma videos. He has quite a bit of truth in his early stuff. But as of late, this man has gone off the deep end. I'd be very careful in reading his material but as long as you test it, I think it can still help you grow.
Passion for Jesus
By Mike Bickle
Founder of International House of Prayer (IHOP). I'm really hoping I can visit there sometimes soon. *fingers crossed*
Blue Like Jazz
By Donald Miller
It's good. Nuf said.
Celebration of Discipline
By Richard J. Foster
I had to read this for a bible class at Harding. I don't remember who the teacher was... Andrew Baker maybe. Anyway, the class responded in different ways to it. Some didn't seem to like it at all, but I personally like it a lot and highlighted the crap out of it.
A Young Woman After God's Own Heart
By Elizabeth George
For all the pre-teen girls. haha I read this in Jr. High and think that it definitely started me out on a great path of learning and growing.
I Kissed Dating Goodbye
By Joshua Harris
Probably something I should read again even though I just read it within the past year. I read a TON of dating books throughout high school... and I wish I would have read this one first. But who knows, I probably wouldn't have been as receptive to it then. Harris has some extreme ideas that our culture will scoff at (hence the title). I've heard there is a sequel he wrote after getting married and I'd like to read it.
Music:
Hillsong
To all my church of christ friends that don't listen to much instrumental music... hearing this group could change your mind. So much emotion for the Lord... I love it.
Your Hands
By JJ Heller
Many of her songs are good but this is my favorite.
In Christ Alone
By Page CXVI
An amazing classic song redone very well but also in a more modern way.
Kim Walker
I especially like her version of How He Loves.
Joy (Live) Album
An album made from the worship services at IHOP. Various artists. Absolutely amazing. My favorite... if I had to choose would most likely be He's Alive by Laura Hackett and Cory Asbury
The Almost
Great band. I've cried countless times to Amazing Because It Is. They also have a good version of Your Love is Extravagant.
Sweet Sweet Sound
By Sarah Reeves
Pick Me Up
By Hideaway
I don't even know if anyone will be able to find them. They were a local band I saw play a couple times that I have a cd of. This song has helped me through many low points. "I wanna cry, when our worlds colliade. Our hearts are breaking. This sin is taking me from you. I wish I could find a way through the darkness in my heart, it's tearing me apart from you. I hate it when you find me here, cause I've fallen down the same place again. I got the same look on my face of guilt and sorrow. But I'm coming back tomorrow. Can you pick me up again?"
From the Inside Out
There are lots of good versions of this song. I probably listen to the one by Seventh Day Slumber the most.
A Mirror Is Harder to Hold
By Jon Foreman
He's just... great. haha
Stand On Grace
By Jimmy Needham
I memorized Needham's Benediction from his Speak. album for a sermon I preached once at my church. Good stuff.
Alright I should probably wrap this up... otherwise I'll go on forever.
I'll end with Barlow Girl, Tenth Avenue North, Skillet, Sanctus Real, Mychildren Mybride, and FM Static. They coached me through most of Jr. High and High School.
.... That was ridiculously long. I should be job searching. Later.
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